Happiness

 

I have found that I am letting myself do this in far too many ways.  It's our natural instinct to do so, isn't it?  But, then, those things inevitably are taken from us.  I know it has certainly seemed to happen to me as of late.  And, nothing major, either. I have not lost anyone to death to never be seen again on this side of heaven.  Nonetheless, I have lost in a different way.  And, I'm beginning to see that I am letting my happiness depend on that.  While so many who I am closest to are far from me in mind and body, I have been brought back to the Lord on my knees with my face to the ground.  I forget that I am never alone, no matter how lonely I feel.

A Cheerful Heart

Proverbs 15:15 says, "All the days of afflicted are evil, but the cheerful of heart has a continual feast."

I don't know if I have explained where the title for this blog came from, so I would like to do that now.  Simply by reading that verse in Proverbs, I'm sure you have figured it out.  It really isn't complicated: the day I decided to make a blog I read that verse, and it resonated with me.  I love the image of a continual feast.  To have a continual feast is to always be satisfied and full for the rest of time.  Even if you do not share in my ridiculous love of food, we can all agree that hunger or no satisfaction are unpleasant feelings.  So, to have a cheerful heart and, therefore, always be deeply satisfied in joy is a wonderful image.  That is what my prayer is for in my own life.  And, that is what I want this blog to reflect.

We can?!

I would like to apologize for my last blog post. It was in the heat of some pretty intense moments that I spewed forth all of the thoughts combined to make such a post.  That being said, I have some pretty incredible people in my life who help me through such rough times when I have them.  Today is far from rough, however (with the exception of homework of course..). I had a wonderful thought today.

We GET to bless the Lord.  I was listening to 10,000 Reasons by Matt Redman, and the phrase, "Bless the Lord, Oh my soul," struck me.  At first, I thought that it was incorrect. Who are we to sing of blessing the Lord? It is only He who blesses us, no? But, the more I thought about it, the more I realized it's true! By loving Him back and following Him to the absolute best of our abilities, we have the unbelievable opportunity to bless the LORD, the Maker of the heavens and the earth! How amazing and incredible and beyond-words-awesome is that?!

sick and tired of it all.

Some days I just want to quit.  I mean that I simply want to quit everything and everyone in my life. I want to run away and stop caring about all of the thoughts bouncing around in my head. I want to get my memory wiped and simply lie uncaring on a deserted beach somewhere. I'm sick of responsibilities and the pain that inevitably comes. I'm frustrated with all of the problems that I see in the world. When people say ignorance is bliss, they are completely correct. I want to go back to such sheltered ignorance. I miss childhood. Growing up is no fun. I don't want to keep digging up strength. I don't want to keep up. I just want to give up. I need to find a healthy way to let out my anger. It is such a new thing to me. And, it comes strong and crazy hot. It seems like all of my other emotions: it is magnified for some strange reason. I know that I am an emotional person, but I've never been an angry person. I've been weepy, happy, joyful, happy-go-lucky, depressed, exuberant, excited, crazy giggly, but never angry. I am now angry.

What's the Point?

I think that the human race tends to get to stuck on themselves and the little details and problems of their own lives. By no means is that all bad.  How often, though, do we take time to step back and ask what the point of our life is? And I don't mean the age-old question of "What is the meaning of life?" There are plenty of wonderful answers to that question.  I think finding the POINT to your life is different. 

I think we each need to find what that one source of true Life is for each of us.  That one reason we pull ourselves out of bed each day, even when we know we will be facing indifference, pain, boredom, apathy, challenge, distress, or something else throughout the day. It's a hard thing to find. It's hard to keep hold of in the middle of this messy, mean, depressing world.

Some days, I struggle to find this.  I know the One who is my life.  But, some days I don't feel Him.  It's those days that I struggle. I struggle and stumble and fail. I give in to the apathy and bleak outlook.  It feels like I am slowly being sucked into a muck.  It is a muck full of sadness and apathy, lacking all laughter and smiles. 

It's then that my head needs to step in and remind my heart that life is full of pretty things.  It is those pretty things that we need to grab and hold on to for dear Life.  Things like a hug that is given when nothing else will help, a moment of complete surrender, a pretty dress, an old, worn Bible, or a Savior who gave it all up for each of us.

Sometimes, the mundane reaches out and grabs us, refusing to let go. It is then that we need to look harder and find the beauty amongst the bleak. It's there, He promises so.